So you did an approach and it’s going great! But alas, fate is not on your side. She’s late to her pilates class and you have an appointment with Netflix. You’ve gotten this far. You want her number. You want to see her again.
And that’s where it gets a little weird.
This is the part of the interaction where most guys stumble, get nervous and either blurt out an awkward question that almost invites an even more awkward response. Or even worse, don’t even try.
This should never be the case.
Getting contact info is such a complete no-brainer situation for me that I sometimes forget that years ago, this actually WAS an issue of mine. I still remember bracing for a rejection and not knowing HOW to even pop the question. I clearly remember it feeling massively awkward. Lo and behold, I definitely got my fair share of “No’s” and “Nice to Meet Ya’s”. I could feel deep down that I wasn’t quite doing it right.
Which is in complete contrast to how it is now.
Asking a girl for her number is almost a foregone conclusion at this point. Zero awkwardness. It works 97% of the time and works in such a way that the girl is actually EXCITED to hear from me again. (Which is the goal).
It’s all pretty effortless and formulaic at this point. And in this article, I’m about to teach you exactly how to do it so that it can be easy for you too.
THE GOLDEN RULE: HAVE A GOOD INTERACTION
A phone number by itself is useless. A phone number that’s backed up by a great interaction that leaves the girl thinking of you in a positive light is the name of the game.
In fact, without a good interaction, asking for a number is almost destined to fail. It’s a guaranteed plan for either rejection, or a totally fake number to make you go away, or a flaky number that doesn’t text back.
Here’s a fun fact: I never enter a conversation with the goal of getting a number. I enter with the goal of actually meeting the woman and finding out who she actually is and if we’re a good fit. The goal is to have a conversation filled with good emotions, attraction and intrigue. A conversation that could in theory even lead to a date right then and there (which is even better than a number). In fact, I only get the number if I know logistically there’s no other option. If I’m running to a meeting, or she’s running to meet a friend, there’s not a ton that can be done right then and there. So in cases like these, a number is the go-to backup option.
The bottom line is that unless you’ve had a conversation worthy of a number, you’re not going to get a very solid one.
Once you’ve gotten to a point where you can clearly tell the girl is into you, and you’ve built enough value, comfort and emotional connection to move onto the next step…
…move onto the next step.
ASSUMING VS. HOPING
You want to assume that getting her number is a foregone conclusion, as opposed to wondering and hoping if she’ll say yes.
You’ve gotten to the part of the conversation where you’ve already established premise and it’s assumed that you like each other.
At this point, getting a number should be the obvious next step for both of you. Instead of coming out of the blue.
VERBAL GAME 101: PHRASING MATTERS
A big part of being successful with women is verbal game. IE. What you say and how you say it.
The funny thing about language is that small changes in phrasing can change the meaning of what you’re saying entirely. And more importantly in game, the EFFECT of what you’re saying.
Which is why phrasing matters. As I’m about to show you, it matters especially when it comes to asking for a number.
HOW TO ASK FOR A NUMBER: DON’T ASK
Five words that get said by millions of men every single day: “Can I have your number?”
This is without a doubt the most common way of asking for a phone number. And here’s the thing, it’s better than not asking at all. But it’s far from being the best option. For me, even typing those words above feels slightly awkward. And the reason for that might not be so obvious to most guys.
Asking for a number in the way that’s posed above creates two issues.
- By the nature of the phrasing, you’re creating an option of getting a yes or a no.
- “Can I have your number?” very often seems and feels like you’re begging for a number. Like she’s doing you a favor that you haven’t earned. It raises alarm bells that really have no need to be raised.
In short, you’re making it awkward for no real reason. And making it harder for yourself. Especially when there are two better options.
BETTER OPTION #1: “WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER?”
This particular question, phrased in this short and to-the-point way, increases your odds in a substantial way. And decreases the awkwardness substantially.
You’re not asking IF you can have her number. You’re asking her what it is. Which makes all the difference.
FIRST, this phrasing ASSUMES that you’re at a point where you’re BOTH planning to see each other again. Which is major.
SECOND, you’re eliminating a ton of awkwardness for both yourself AND the girl. You’re coming across as someone that’s confident and self-assured, which is a major attraction switch.
THIRD, you’re eliminating the “Yes or No” problem posed by the first way of asking. Giving a number is substantially easier emotionally than saying “Yes” or “No” to the above question.
Especially when delivered in the right way, “What is your number?” just sounds better.
EVEN BETTER OPTION #2: THE TWO-STEP NUMBER CLOSE
My favorite way of getting a number from a girl goes like this:
You: “It was good talking to you. We should do it again sometime.”</span>
Her: “Sounds good” (Often times the girl also says “Here take my number” if you’ve had a good conversation).
You: “Cool, so I guess I should take your number then.”
This particular approach works best because you’re both agreeing to see each other again before actually getting her number. Just planting that seed of possibility solidifies you as a serious prospect. As opposed to some random guy who’s just interested in a number.
Once she agrees to seeing you, it’s a no brainer to actually get her contact info. Of course you’re going to get her number. It’s assumed.
In my experience, this is also a crucial step that leads to more solid numbers. Solid numbers that respond to your texts and calls and that are super easy to turn into dates.
SHOULD YOU GIVE YOUR NUMBER TO THE GIRL INSTEAD OF GETTING HERS?
Almost always, no.
Generally speaking, this just doesn’t work. Girls are just less likely to contact you without you contacting them first.
The better option is to just text or even call her right then and there so that she has your info and saves you into her phone.
MAKING THE PHONE NUMBER SOLID
Just getting a number and dashing is kind of a funny thing that I see guys do all the time. We used to call it the “Number Bandit” method back in the day.
It almost always leads to weaker numbers. You got what you wanted and bounced. It very clearly tells the girl that you had an agenda the whole time as opposed to the feeling of “it just happened” which girls want to experience.
The better decision is to stick around after you get the number and build on the connection you already made.
That said, if you really have to rush, an extra 20-30 seconds followed by “Hey, I gotta run, I’ll text you” is totally fine.
A WORD ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA
In my experience, numbers are way more solid than social media like getting a girl’s Instagram of Snapchat.
Some girls use social media religiously, others barely use it or get so many social media DM’s that yours will just get ignored anyway. I even know of multiple girls that disable social media notifications completely.
Sometimes the best solution is the one that has worked since the phone was invented: A Phone Number.
If you are going to exchange social media info, do it after you get the number. And only if you actively use social media and your page looks genuinely cool or high value (which is not the case for most guys).
I personally don’t ask for social media as I do perfectly fine without it and value being off social media for personal and productivity reasons.
FINAL WORD ON GETTING THE NUMBER
If in doubt, just go for it. Asking for a number is better than not asking for it.
That said, HOW you ask for the number can make a big difference. In this article you’ve learned some of my favorite ways to ask for a number. They’re obviously all super easy and will continue to work for the foreseeable future.
As always, the best way to learn what works in game is to of course, take action. That’s the only way to learn anything actually.
FOR MORE PRACTICAL VERBAL GAME…
Verbal game is easily one of my favorite parts of game.
I’ll be releasing a ton of awesome content in the weeks to come, including infield video lessons, so make sure you’re on the interest list over here.
Thanks for reading!