Over the past 20 some years, I’ve been teaching guys just like you how to get girls pretty much full time.
In all honesty, I literally can spend days on this subject, since there is a lot of nuance involved. But I want this post to boil it down to the core building blocks of this little thing called “Game”.
The short of what matters?
How does the girl view you and what story does she have about the two of you together.
That’s the short of it. That’s game in a nutshell.
Simple, but not entirely actionable.
So on a practical level, how DO you get girls?
The 2 Key Ingredients to Getting Girls
ATTENTION
Unless a girl is paying attention to you, there is really nothing you can do.
Game, therefore, starts with getting her attention.
All the great banter in the world is wasted if she’s not listening. All the social proof in the world is wasted if she’s not looking at you. You can have the greatest vibe and personality in the world, but if there is no communication with her, your chances are essentially non-existent.
This is why any decent plan for meeting girls, starts with just that… MEETING them.
The OPEN.
Whether from cold-approach, social connections, or online game, unless you have a reliable way to get her attention on you, you really don’t even have a place to start.
So you have to actually approach the girls you’re interested. In game lingo, you need to “Open” them.
Everything else that comes after that, builds on this first step.
You can’t get girls without a plan (at least not consistently)
I see so many guys get the balls to approach a girl, have the skills to drive the conversation forward, get the girl very attracted, only to have the girl walk away and never see them again.
You need a plan of where you’re going.
To go one step further…
YOU NEED TO KNOW HOW YOU’RE GOING TO CLOSE,
Quite frankly, everything you do should have this in mind.
Are you going to take her home the same day, or are you going to take her on a date later? Where are you planning on going eventually? Your place or hers? How do you “seed the pull”? Do you have wine at your place?
The best guys (including myself and my coaches) take this a step further and have plans for each of the steps before the final step as well. And it’s all essentially unconscious at this point. It’s all instinct.
Failing to plan really is planning to fail.
Why Getting Lucky is Overrated
If all you had was a girl’s ATTENTION and a PLAN, you’d already be light years ahead of most guys.
Most guys get into few, if any, interactions with attractive girls.
And most guys need a girl to have a crush on them for ages before they do anything about it. Which is why most guys, including super good looking guys or guys with insane careers and money, often have underwhelming sex and dating lives.
(For all my years of coaching, I’ve had students that SHOULD be good with women, but come to me for help. And almost every Immersion has a guy that in theory “has it all”, but comes to me with some major gaping hole in his game.)
So really massive action and desire will take you a long way.
You’ll occasionally get girls who are just ‘into’ you. You’ll get “lucky” every once in a while. However, relying on this kind of random process will take a long time to yield results.
The 5 Steps of Game and Getting Girls
Step 1: The Open
We’ve already talked about the importance of this above so I won’t rehash it.
All the open is is getting her attention. Simple as that.
Some ways are better than others, which is a subject I go into in detail elsewhere. But for the purpose of this post, ANY way to open is better than not opening.
Want a quick opener right here, right now?
“Excuse me, you looked intriguing…”
Simple. To the point. Instantly starts to set a premise for the interaction.
Which brings me to the next step.
Step 2: Set the Premise
Let’s do a thought experiment.
Let’s say your next door neighbor owns a really nice car that you’ve admired for a while… you might admire it from afar, but it’s unlikely you’ll make him an offer.
Add a ‘for sale’ sign on the car window, and suddenly you’re inquiring about the terms and maybe even imagine yourself buying it.
Until you saw the ‘for sale’ sign, you didn’t even think of buying, even if you did recognize value.
The same is true for most guys in their interactions with women.
She may think you’re cool, intelligent, attractive… but until you indicate that you’re on the market, she probably won’t give you any ‘buying signals’.
You need to establish the right context, before any of the other stuff is relevant to her.
You need to set the PREMISE. This is your job, not the girl’s.
Step 3 and 4: Evaluate and Narrative
At this point you’re already well on your way to success with women… and you’re also as far as most guys ever get, even if they go out and do ‘game’ for years.
But there’s a catch.
You need to also convey who you are to her, in a way that she finds attractive.Just because she knows you’re interested, doesn’t make HER interested.
What you need to have is a story, A NARRATIVE IN HER MIND.
After she sleeps with you, or gives you her number, or calls you her boyfriend… how is she going to tell the story to her friends? How is she going to tell the story to herself?
If the story makes it feel like a win for her, she’ll probably be quite eager to proceed forward. If the story feels like she’s being used, or you’re not a high value guy, then she’s unlikely to want any part of that.
A big prerequisite for her believing a positive narrative, is the process leading up to it.
If she doesn’t feel like she’s had to work for you at all, then how can she possibly be special, or different, compared to any other random girl?
If you’re so willing to accept her without her having proven herself, how can you possibly be a high value guy?
THIS PROCESS OF EVALUATION IS THEREFORE CRITICAL.
Which is why EVALUATION is a critical step that is integral to building the NARRATIVE.
In short, these steps are intertwined. Make sense?
Step 5: Close
All these steps until now have gotten you a long way, but they haven’t gotten you ALL THE WAY.
That’s what closing is all about.
Sure the girl likes you, you’ve spent hours together, but here you are still at the bar and you don’t know what to do next.
Many guys essentially quit at this point. They get a number and promise to see the girl another time.
This is a great way to miss a pretty easy opportunity that the girl very often wants you to make:
Ie. She wants to go home with you dummy.
All you have to do is make that happen.
Look, closing ain’t simple. But if you’ve done well up until this point, and especially if the narrative in her mind is one of you and her together in your bed, closing should get a lot easier.
I go into detail on this in other blogs and videos, as well as in The System, but yes, this is a pretty important skill you should develop.
The simplest advice I can give is to “just make it happen” and not call too much attention to the situation or make her feel slutty in any way.
A major tenet I teach is it has to feel like a win for her. If a girl feels that going home with you is a “Loss”… you’ve screwed up.
If you’re not yet in the position where this is a constant issue, don’t worry about the tactics just yet. But know that it definitely matters.
The Bottom Line to Getting Girls – The OPEN-C Model
So these are the key steps, in a nutshell. If these stages exist, you’re very likely to have success.
Without these stages, you’re doomed to random luck at best, and likely failure over the long run.
If we take the 5 steps above, and list them chronologically in an interaction, we’d be left with.
OPEN – PREMISE – (EVALUATE – NARRATIVE) – CLOSE
When looked at this way, the path forward is clear.
Do you have her attention? If not, open or re-open.
Does she know the right context for the interaction? If not, work on setting a man to woman premise.
A premise that creates the right context for the whole interaction.
Does she view you as a win? If not, start working on the narrative, which typically starts by you evaluating her.
And then… when things are going well… you absolutely, positively MUST… close.
The Next Step
Knowing this model gives you an answer to, “What do I do next?” at any point in the interaction.
And what you’ll find is that anything that falls into the steps above is critically important (and worthy of focus) and anything that does not, probably isn’t that important.
(And yes, I go VERY deep on the OPEN-C model in my new course, The System. Tons of infield video of me doing the thing in there as well.)
The final word: Focus on these simple, yet critical pieces to cut through the clutter and get real results with women.
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