Before we dive in, why would you even want to be real in the first place?
Over the last couple of years of being a coach for Todd, I’ve found that realness really is one of the most critical parts of
It’s a major sticking point that most students aren’t even aware is affecting them…almost always in a negative way.
For many guys, especially guys that have been learning
Here are some of the major benefits of fixing this part of your game from a cold, hard, results perspective:
- You cultivate higher quality relationships, both platonic and sexual. You are no longer walking on eggshells. You can be completely yourself and it is not only embraced but loved.
- You start to feel better about yourself and the life you are living. Higher self-confidence, self-respect, and self-love. You become more enthusiastic about life.
- You have more energy. You’re filtering yourself less, “acting” like someone else less, and criticizing yourself less. You no longer need to micromanage your behaviors.
- Girls chase you instead of you chasing girls. Game and talking to girls becomes easier and more effortless and simultaneously more enjoyable.
- Hotter girls no longer ignore you or think you’re being weird. If anything, it draws them in because they’re constantly surrounded by fakers.
- You stop alienating girls that you would have had
naturalchemistry with. Ie. The ones you really want at the end of the day anyway.
THE PROBLEM WITH BEING FAKE
By you not being real, you are feeding the idea that you as you are, is not enough for a woman.
By trying to be something else and trying to impress, you are feeding the idea that she is something “special” and you must do something to “attain her”.
Congrats, you have now put her on a pedestal.
She is higher, you are lesser.
And if you feed into the dynamic of her as higher and you as lesser, your behaviors and sub-communications won’t be attractive.
Quite frankly, generating ANY attraction will be difficult. And you surely won’t have any women chasing you anytime soon.
Most guys are in still in this place. They are still chasing girls. They still repeat lines they hear in hopes of getting the girl, they qualify themselves to her, they’re afraid to tease girls, they constantly try to fill up silent spaces in the conversation, they laugh at jokes that they don’t find funny, they are easily impressed and they supplicate and pander to the girl.
You must understand that this is not getting you laid. At all.
The times that you DO get laid, it’s happening in SPITE of all these behaviors.
The successes that you have had so far have probably come from you already being her type (had a beard, particular ethnicity, had tattoos), she just broke up with her boyfriend, she was horny or you were just persistent enough. This is NOT a consistent way to get girls.
It’s NOT going to lead you to
STOP TRYING TO COPY THE WRONG THINGS
Most guys, when they begin to learn how to talk to girls, tend to copy everything they see in videos, verbatim.
They start to act like the instructors they see on youtube, often reciting lines as if it’s their own and behaving like their mentors.
They repeat the lines they hear word for word, even if the context doesn’t fit.
They deliver the lines the same way, even though it doesn’t match their personality and how they present themselves.
If I had a dollar for every time I had a student that repeated one of Todd’s lines in a set, I would be loaded.
What they are applying is not really their own personality.
Many guys have perfected the craft of copying other peoples’ game. But it has an air of try hard-ness to it. They are doing it in an attempt to get the girl. They are chasing her. They are often embodying behaviors that they think will work as opposed to what THEY want to do.
…A STORY ABOUT STEALING LINES
I remember a student I once had in New York that always had a line that he got from Youtube for every single thing the girl said.
That’s a great line! You’re disqualifying the girl and you are creating a sense of togetherness, even if it’s in the negative.
But why would he say this 10 seconds into the set when the girl has no idea who he is, he hasn’t hooked her in any way and has no relevance or value in her eyes!
“You have this interesting look about you. I don’t know.. Part of me is intrigued and part of me wants to run away..”.
Again! Another amazing line! You’re showing that you like the girl but you’re not 100% sold yet. You’re showing that you are the chooser vs one of the countless guys that are trying so desperately to be chosen. But here’s the thing…This student would say this back to back to back with lines similar to this.
Not to mention really weird.
Don’t blindly repeat what you see on Youtube, what you read in the magazines..and even what you read in blogs! 😉
Especially if you don’t understand WHY they were said.
The lines that my student would say are actually things that Todd himself would say. But when Todd says them, it’s coming from a different place.
He’s expressing real potential disinterest. He’s being the chooser instead of just saying the lines in an attempt to be perceived like he’s the chooser.
He’s not TRYING to be attractive and cool. He IS attractive and cool. It’s time for you yourself to cross this gap.
WHAT TO STOP DOING ASAP
It’s time to start being more REAL.
Start getting rid of what you do not actually enjoy DOING and what is NOT YOU.
Stop trying so hard to appear attractive. Assume it!
Start to find your own voice in game and uncover the real you. Your own personality. Your own style of game. Less repeated behaviors and more authentic expression. Stop being a lesser version of yourself and rise to the next higher version.
Stop laughing at jokes you don’t find funny. Start teasing girls if they say a lame joke!
Stop looking at girls like you are so in awe of them. Start looking at them like you’re not sold yet.
Stop being so impressed with whatever the girls say. Start expressing what you actually like and don’t like.
Express this through your facial expressions, vocal tonality and choice of words. If they say something you truly think is cool, positively reinforce that. Let your eyes light up, give them more attention, and reaffirm to them that that actually impressed you. “Oh really? that’s really cool actually”. If they say something you think is actually kind of lame, express that! Give her a look that you’re kind of let down. “Damn…and I was just beginning to like you” (said in a playful, teasing manner).
Stop being so agreeable. Start having a real opinion and say it.
Stop giving girls your full unconditional attention. Start showing some active disinterest! For example, if you’re at a bar with a girl and you’re having a drink, don’t stare at her and hang onto every word she says. Take a sip of your drink and casually look around a little bit.
Stop trying to constantly fill up silent spaces in the conversation to keep her there. Start allowing more silence, relax more, and let her think she needs to fill up the silence to keep YOU from getting bored.
Stop TRYING to be cool. Start ASSUMING you already are cool.
Most guys are still trying to impress girls and “fit in the cool club”. Stop. Please stop.
Be unapologetic regarding your sense of humor, your hobbies, your passions, and your general likes and dislikes.
Be more grounded in who YOU are, develop a stronger frame, and suck girls into your own world.
JUST BE YOURSELF, BRO?
You may be reading this and think, “this sounds very familiar. This sounds like when people tell me to ‘just be yourself’”.
Here’s the thing. The age-old advice “be yourself” (be real) is simultaneously the worst advice ever and the best advice you’ll ever hear. I’ll tell you why.
For the people that have just begun talking to girls, they have no reference experiences with what works and what doesn’t work and so who they are when they are “themselves” is not really themselves. It’s what they’ve become at that point in their life.
I’ll repeat that again. Who they are is not themselves, but it’s who they’ve BECOME.
Years of insecurities, limiting beliefs and conditioned ways of behaving. They’ve unintentionally become someone that’s not attractive.
And that’s something that you have to actively get rid of.
For a beginner, you must first adopt new behaviors!
If you’re a total beginner, I actually recommend implementing what you see instructors do. In the beginning, this is key. When Kanye West first started producing beats, he would try to recreate Dr.Dre’s beat verbatim. From there, he began to deviate into his own style. Now if you listen to an album like “Yeezus”, its EONS different from anything Dr.Dre has ever produced. But he started with imitation.
This is what you want to do with your game. Copy good game. Copy what WORKS. Watch infield footage of real live conversations of skilled guys… Remember the examples of lines (openers, push/pulls, teases, statements of intent and statements of empathy) that you see.
But don’t stay there forever.
When you’ve gotten accustomed to all of these new behaviors, begin to shed the ones you don’t enjoy. Shed the ones that don’t fit with your personality. Start to pinpoint what kind of humor you like and what you don’t like. Start to pinpoint what behaviors you like most within yourself.
What do you respect about yourself the most? Who do you enjoy being the most? From here, you can start stripping away all the fat from your personality and begin to emerge your true, much more potent, self.
Over time you’ll become more comfortable with your own personality and style of game; and when you are unapologetically being yourself, you will naturally try to impress girls less.
And when you are not trying to impress and chase girls, this is what allows girls space for THEM to chase YOU.
This is a critical piece of information that MOST GUYS DO NOT GET. At all times in a man/woman interaction, there is someone that is higher value. And the person with more value is the person that is not chasing.
There is always someone chasing and someone being chased. If YOU are the one CHASING, guess who is not being chased?
Yep, it’s you.
Align with your values! Don’t come out of alignment with them.
Don’t compromise yourself to be liked. Stay true to how you think and how you feel.
Talk like how you like talking. Talk about what you enjoy talking about.
People will see that you are centered, unflinching and unwavering. Because of this centeredness (and good game, of course), this creates a vacuum effect that girls will want to fill.
This gets them reacting. This creates attraction. This gets you the girl.
Become the real you!
Garrett has been a head coach for Todd on his Immersion program for the last three years.