- What you need to STOP saying ASAP
- Why smart girls are the EASIEST to game
- Go-to openers that HIT HOME
- 00:00 – Intro
- 01:38 – Question: What words can bring my game to the next level?
- 05:58 – Words to AVOID
- 13:28 – Todd’s game vocabulary
- 15:40 – Talking Dirty 101
- 22:19 – Question: How do I game smart girls? How do I calibrate my game based on her age?
- 24:07 – Why smart girls are EASIER to game
- 29:51- Verbally gaming a model
- 34:43 – Gaming older girls
- 37:28 – Matching her age blueprint
Todd: [00:00:00] There’s a difference between a good word and a bad word, right? So, for example, I would avoid words like, “hitting on you” or “hitting on a girl.” I’ve heard guys use that as an opener, “I thought I’d come over here and hit on you for a minute.” Awful. Why would you say that? Why would you do that?
We’re back with Episode 12 of the Todd V Show. And I do want to take a minute to thank you for your questions and your viewership, we would be nowhere without you. We literally would have nothing to answer and we’d have no one listening. So, thank you for being here. And, we’ll do our best to continue answering your questions, which by the way, you can post on… Sorry, you can send to us at [email protected] anytime you want. We do like audio questions, but we’ll take any form of question.
Today’s episode is going to be specifically around the topic of verbal game in honor of the upcoming release of the Verbal Game Academy program. Again, that’s VerbalGameAcademy.com to check that one out.
But verbals and how you talk, what you say to girls is a huge part of game. So, I wanted to address some of your questions along those lines today, and I think we got some good ones. We got one audio question, which I think is very good. Then, we’ve got a couple of questions which are different questions, but I think really the same question underneath. So, I’m going to answer them kind of as a combined or compound question almost. But, it should be a really good material and I’m looking forward to getting into it. So, without too much further ado, let’s get into the audio question from Mr. Junior.
Junior: [00:01:32] Hey, Todd, this is Junior from Melbourne, Australia. My question for you is, could you maybe give us a list of random words that we can put into our vocab just to make it more engaging, more exciting, more attractive? I feel like I have a very, very limited vocab and I tend to use the same one hundred words for almost everything. So, if you could help us with that, that’d be f*cking awesome. Thanks, man. Appreciate you.
Todd: [00:01:51] Okay. So, this is a really interesting question and it highlights both some good and some bad ideas surrounding verbal game. First of all, the idea of using the same hundred words over and over again, it’s not completely the worst thing. Now, there is this idea to quote in my word-smithy way, I guess, one of my favorite authors of all time and one of my favorite quotes of all time, Mr. Mark Twain. He said, “The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.”
So, the idea being that you change one word and you completely change the meaning, the tone, the everything of the sentence by just adding the word, bug. Right? So, words do matter very, very much. And having the exact right word to say what you mean, as opposed to just sort of skirting it in almost saying what you mean, clearly does matter a lot. But what doesn’t necessarily matter is using big words or special words, just for the sake of using big or special words.
In fact, one of the clearest ways that you can tell that someone is not particularly good verbally is when they go out of their way to use big words or try and use complex grammatical constructs or something like that, and they misuse it. So, for example, one mistake a lot of people will make, this isn’t really the vocabulary, but one mistake a lot of people will make is they’ll say, “Whom sent it over?”
That’s absolutely, categorically wrong. It’s, “Who sent it over?” But, the reason someone says that is they’re trying to be formal, and correct, and eloquent. And, in fact, what they do is they show, without a doubt, that they just don’t know what the heck they’re talking about. And they actually show poor English in that context.
Same thing happens when you go out of your way to try and use big words when a small word would suffice, right? There’s this whole idea in writing, simpler words are best. There’s even the idea that the Anglo word is better than the Saxon word. The English word’s better than the French word is what I’m trying to say. I hope I said it the right way. I think that’s correct.
But, the point is, simple words are best as a long as they actually say what you’re trying to say. Right? Now, where they don’t say what you’re trying to say, having an increased vocabulary is good. Now, what are these special particular words that are most useful in game?
Well, just having a big vocabulary in general does not necessarily translate to a game vocabulary. And, there are specific words in game that are very useful. So, there are words that I find myself using over and over in game. And, if anything, I limit my vocabulary from my everyday vocabulary for game.
For example, the word ‘adventurous’ is a word I use a lot in game that is not a word that I use in everyday parlance, that is not a word I use in my everyday conversation. Because, I don’t really talk about adventurousness on a regular basis to my business associates or to people like, the Uber driver or whatever.
But, ‘adventurous’ is a great word with girls for the simple reason that it means, it is very vague in terms of meaning and can be taken in so many different ways. Because, ‘adventurous’ is innocent enough sexually because it can mean risk taking in general, it can mean traveling even, it can mean extreme sports, it can mean a bunch of different things that are totally fine to say and not objectionable.
However, ‘adventurous’ also can mean sexually adventurous, open to trying something new, open to doing something crazy sexually, whatever. And so, the word ‘adventurous’ will mean, in context, many different things to many different girls, and she’s going to take that word and mold it to whatever the appropriate feeling level she’s at is.
So, that’s a very kind of safe, but ambitious at the same time, word which makes it incredibly, incredibly useful. So, I like that word. There are a lot of other words that kind of maybe relate to game or relate to a relationship that there’s a difference between a good word and a bad word. Right?
So, for example, I would avoid words like, “hitting on you” or “hitting on a girl.” I’ve heard guys use that as an opener, “I thought I’d come over here and hit on you for a minute.” Awful. Why would you say that? Why would you do that? Right? “Thought I’d come over here and talk to you and get to know you for a bit” is way better. “I thought I’d just come over here and have a quick chat” is way better.
Why would you say, “I’d come over and hit on you,” right? ‘Hitting on you’ implies that talking to her is something you’re doing to her or at her, not collaboratively with her. It also implies agenda. It applies a lot of things wrong. And so, this is a case where picking a particular wrong word is really going to hurt you, picking a right word is going to help you.
So, instead of saying, “Let’s go on a date, maybe we can hang out and talk or we can chat, shoot the sh*t,” stuff like that is good. In describing past sexual escapades or past girlfriends and stuff like that, definitely, the very vague ‘hookup’ is probably better in a lot of contexts than “have sex with” or “f*ck.” Those kinds of things.
Although, if you are talking directly to a girl and it’s very hot and heavy, then to say, “I want to f*ck you” is a lot better than “I want to have intercourse with you.” Unless you’re being ironical, and funny, and silly, in which case, that may shift. Right? If you’re parodying it or something like that. But, in general, there are certain words that you want to use and don’t want to use.
Also, when talking about sexual organs, there are certainly certain words that are a lot more flattering than others and certain words that some people may even can be grossed out by. Whereas, other words may be arousing.
So, having the right word instead of the almost right word is very, very useful. But, again, it’s not just about having a huge vocabulary. Knowing words like, I’m trying to throw out some SAT words all of a sudden here, knowing like, antidisestablishmentarianism, prerogative, soliloquy.
That’s not the most important thing to know in game, it really does not matter all that much. The one time where having very flowery words, per se, is good, there’s really almost only one time I can think of when words being extra flowery is good is, again, when you’re using them ironically, or when you’re using them as a punchline. Right?
So, if, for example, you were saying a punchline that was, “If you’ll pardon my speech.” Whereas, if you instead said, “If you’ll excuse my soliloquy,” it would be better. Right? It’s just a little more, it makes the ridiculousness, it makes the exaggeration a bit stronger. And so, for that reason, it’s good.
So, this is the time and the place where having an exact vocabulary, having occasionally some flowery words can be good, mainly when you’re intentionally indicating it as flowery. But generally, the way that you’re going to be perceived is not going to be because you’re using big words, it’s going to be because you’re using the right words.
And, in fact, many of the best speakers and writers do not use a lot of big words. They know the big words, they use them where necessary, but they don’t go out of their way to use them. In fact, this is the one mistake I made, when I was very young, in my writing. So, I had a teacher in fifth grade where, it was one of the first writing assignments that I actually spent a lot of time on. And I actually consulted with a dictionary, the Thesaurus, and wrote out a lot of bigger words or words that were barely just at the edge of my vocabulary.
And the teacher was very impressed and he commented, you know this word, you know that word. And so, I realized that the rubric for getting a good grade with him was just jam a bunch of big words into my writing. And that’s what I did, and I ended up writing awful, awful stuff. I got good grades from it, but ended up writing just awful drivel that it was hard to read and didn’t even say exactly what was supposed to. That’s not good writing. And it’s not good good speaking either. Again, most of good speaking is simple.
All right. But that said, how do you, one, improve your vocabulary in general? And, two, improve your game specific vocabulary?
So, there are a couple of ways to improve vocabulary. The best way probably is just read more. Read more stuff, you will improve your vocabulary. That is the best word, the best way, sorry. The best word. The best way to learn words is to read. Because, you’re going to learn them in context, you’re going to learn the words that are useful, you’re going to learn, rather than learning some random, useless words that are just esoterically highfalutin, you’re going to learn words that are actually used, but used well, hopefully, by good authors.
So, that’s your best way of expanding your vocabulary. There are other ways like, you can get word of the day, and try and learn it, and then try and use it each day. And, that’s fine. The problem is, again, like the example I gave before with the, ‘whom.’ “Whom sent it over?” The problem with learning from a word of the day type of an approach is that if you’ve learned the word by the definition, but not in the context, you’re oftentimes going to use it out of context. Right?
So, you’re oftentimes, maybe… Let’s see, I’m trying to think of it. It’s really, really hard to think of a misuse, clever word example off the top of your head out of nothing. But, maybe you learn the word like, “c’est la vie.” Right? And then, you don’t understand that it has kind of a flippancy to it or something like that. So, maybe you use it in a super serious context or something like that, and it just sounds completely out of place, for example.
And, by the way, “c’est la vie,” if anybody doesn’t know, it’s French. It means, such as life. As long as we’re working on vocabulary, it’s a very useful word. Like, c’est la vie, such as life, no big deal. Which is a great kind of spirit and a great attitude to have in game as well. So, useful word, useful phrase. And, adding a little French flavor doesn’t hurt occasionally, but again, if used correctly and in the right context. If you’re American English, and you’re speaking with a French word every other sentence, you’re just gonna sound ridiculous.
So, again, don’t try and have big words just to have big words, don’t try and have a big vocabulary and show everybody your vocabulary with every sentence. Use it sparingly and use it when it is correct.
Other ways to learn words well, actually, are learning other languages. It’s a great way to learn words because you’ll learn the carry-over from those languages, and you’ll learn the similar words from those languages, you’ll also learn root words. So, a good way to expand your vocabulary is to learn the words that are, for example, what is it? Prefixes and suffixes. So, anything ‘itis’ is a medical term, et cetera. Or, learning hypo and hyper. Hypothermia, hypochondria, hyper in general, just the word hyper, and then a lot of other hyper uses. I’m trying to think of hyperthermia is the opposite of hypothermia.
Anyway, the point is learning those prefixes and suffixes are going to teach you not just the one word, but how to decode all these other words and understand things better. So, that’s another good approach. But the best approach to learning language is honestly just read a lot. And there’s another side benefit of reading a lot, which is that you’re going to also learn things besides language. You’re going to get not just educated, but also, hopefully, wise, which is much more important in communication.
So, those are the things I would talk to you about as far as learning language goes.
Now, back to game-specific words, which is probably what you all came here for anyway. You’re like, Todd, why did you spend so long on that damn frickin flowery, soliloquy of all the different… This word, that word, this prefix suffix? What the heck? What about game?
So, again, I mentioned words like, ‘adventurous’ is a good word. Another good word that I use a lot in game or have used a lot in the past in game is ‘trouble’ or ‘troublemaker.’ Right? Why is that a good word? That’s a good word because troublemaker, is it a good thing or a bad thing?
Well, on the one hand, getting in trouble traditionally is a bad thing. As we grew up with our parents, with our teachers, getting in trouble is like, Oh, he’s in trouble. It’s bad. You get punished. So, nobody wants to be in trouble.
However, in order to be trouble, it affords to someone a certain level of esteem, right? You can’t be trouble for me unless I care enough about you to let you be trouble. So, the idea of a girl being trouble means that you’re having an emotional reaction to her in some way, or that she is emotionally affecting you in some way.
So, on one hand, it’s a negative to call a girl trouble. And it definitely has that negative polarization of a push pull. On the other hand, it is positive to call a girl trouble in that you’re indicating she has some significance in your life, or she’s affected you in some way. So, it’s inherently, the word, ‘trouble’ or ‘troublemaker’ is a one-word push pull. And when we want to be efficient in game, it’s hard to do much better than a one word push pull.
So, that’s another example of a good word to use in game. Let’s see, what are some bad words to use in game? It would be words like, “my place.” That’s a very, very bad word to use in game. Any words that relate to things that are creepy or criminal should be left out of your vocabulary in game, even if as jokes. Because, who knows what might be taken seriously? Those kinds of things might be good.
Another good kind of principle or idea, as far as words in game, this is what I use, personally at least, is to be suggestive rather than explicit when it comes to escalation. So, I don’t do a lot of talking dirty to girls, at least not in the traditional way. I don’t do a lot of sexting and that kind of stuff. Philosophy on that is that if the girl is into you enough to respond to sexting and sex back, she’s probably also into enough to meet up. And, I have a much higher rate of closing for having sex when I’m in person than when I’m sending my penis through the phone in ones and zeros.
So, I like to actually get the girl in person rather than sext from afar. But when I do actually do dirty talk and stuff like that, I usually don’t mention body parts. I’m usually not a c*ck, and p*ssy, and this, and that, kind of person. I’m more of a caress-your-most-sensitive-area and tease-you-until-you-can’t-stand-it kind of a person, and I think that’s a much better way of going about it. Because, it gets the same message across but you’re talking about the feeling aspect of it, the effect aspect, rather than the literal aspect of it. And, it’s also much safer, right?
Words like sexual body parts, some girls really like a certain word, some girls really like a different word. And if you use the wrong word, it can immediately put… That record stopping, coming to a sudden halt. It can suddenly record-stop sudden halt her arousal. She’s like, wait, what? You said what word? And, it just throws her off.
So, I like to avoid those words that are potentially landmines in general. And I will go with the more subtle sort of feeling or effect of what’s going on as opposed to the physical body part explanation. So, that’s a little tip as far as when it comes to talking dirty and whatnot.
In general, if I’m doing, cause I’ve got a bunch of specific examples. In general, when you’re talking about what words are good and what words are bad in game, you want to think about a couple of different things. Words have their literal meaning, which is called denotation. And then, they have their perceived meaning, how they’re taken emotionally, or the underlying context surrounding them, or underlying sort of subliminal meaning almost or subconscious meaning of them, which is called connotation.
And when you’re doing things like escalating, it’s a lot easier to escalate by connotation than by denotation. IE, instead of explicitly saying it, it’s a lot better to imply it because it lets the girl take it to whatever level she’s comfortable with. So, it automatically calibrates for you. It automatically is going to make sure that you’re hitting the right level of calibration because she’s going to do it for you. And then, it really avoids massive mistakes. It avoids those off-putting over-bold kinds of things.
Because if what you said was not literally over the top or not literally objectionable, but just figuratively or by association objectionable, if there is that objection, then you can always claim ignorance, or claim accidents, or anything along those lines, or act like she’s reading too much into it, et cetera. So, it gives you a natural out, which is very, very useful.
So, with things that are overtly gamey or overly escalating, prefer connotation over denotation, at least at first. At a certain point, when the girl is responding really well and you want a firm logical commitment, you may go for denotation. But, in general, connotation is the place to start.
And this is very similar to the concept in game of change her mood, not her mind, which you may have heard before, right? Communicate with her emotional and not entirely logical rational minds first. And then, once you get a good result there, once you get a good indicator that you have permission, then you can go for the explicit confirmation on a rational level. So, that’s one good general idea.
Other thing, just in general, in terms of this isn’t necessarily expanding your vocabulary, but it’s using the right words in game is, use a lot of the words that… Use relationship-y words. Actually, you know what? Speaking of relationshipy words, do you know the most important word in game? Are you ready? Here’s the most important word, it’s actually two words because they’re almost the same word.
It’s, ‘We’ or ‘Us,’ but probably, ‘we’ was the one I was thinking of. ‘We’ or ‘us’ is probably the single most important word in game. Why? Because, what are you trying to create in game? You’re trying to create an ‘us.’ You’re trying to create the idea that the two of you are together, that the two of you are a unit rather than two separate unconnected people. So, ‘we’ or ‘us’ implies a connection.
So, if you can drop a little ‘we’ into your… Sorry, all the British people said, wait. He said, what? If you can drop a little ‘we’ or ‘us’ into your conversation, then you’re going to do a lot better than if it’s ‘you’ and ‘me’ as these two separate entities. And even ‘you’ and ‘me’ are very important words because they’re much better than what I call, third-party topics. Meaning, small talk or talking about general ideas.
So, to wrap this all up, cause I’ve gone about ten thousand different directions with it. In terms of improving your vocabulary, read a lot so that you get the ideas and the context around the words, rather than just getting the words. Also, learn prefixes and suffixes rather than learning words wrote because by doing that, each prefix and suffix is going to help you to learn tens or hundreds of words rather than just a single word. So, it’s very, very useful to do that.
However, in game, vocabulary, per se, is not that important. Simple words are best, right? Good vocabulary is good occasionally for punchlines, or to make an impact, or something like that. But for the most part, you should be speaking simply. Trying to jam a lot of big words into your game is a terrible, terrible idea and should be avoided.
And then, finally, focus on the emotional words and the emotional content of words, rather than the logical content of words. Again, ‘we’ and ‘us,’ and ‘you’ and ‘me’ to a lesser degree are some of the most important words in game. And, you want to focus on your connotation rather than your denotation when you’re escalating. Because, it helps you to get your calibration right and it helps you to avoid major errors.
So, that’s a summary of everything. Hope you enjoyed that very long-winded question. As you can tell, I kind of like words a little bit. That’s why I created a program called, Verbal Game. Because, I do get a lot of mileage out of the words I use, the phrases I use, the timing, all that kind of stuff.
It’s a huge, huge part of my game and I want it to be something, I want it to be a tool that you have access to as well.
All right. With that said, let’s get onto the next question. Which, again, verbal game-related but a very different question overall. Actually, these are two questions and they are, you’ll see how they’re pretty much the same question in a way.
So, question one of the two part question is, what verbal game adjustments do I make to match the blueprint of smart girls? I find it harder to tease them, says Mitch.
Second question, related but different. I am a man in my late forties. I feel like some of the strategies I use on women in their twenties aren’t working as well with older women. How do I calibrate your verbal game wisdom for different age groups? Twenties, thirties, and forties. And this is a question from Eric.
So, thank you, Mitch and Eric, for those questions. I appreciate it.
Now, these questions, one is about gaming smart girls, one is about gaming older girls or younger girls, et cetera. But, they really are a similar question because one, they both relate to blueprint. They both relate to adjusting to one type of girl or another, regardless of whether it’s on intellect, or maturity, or whatever. But secondly, there is actually potentially the implication that women, as they get older, are potentially wiser, or more mature, or ostensibly smarter.
I don’t think their IQ has gone up, but their worldliness and ability to function at a higher level, in some context, may have gone up. And so, in some ways, it’s almost the same question, as far as that goes. Intelligence and maturity, they’re not the same thing, but someone who is more intelligent tends to come off more mature and someone who’s more mature tends to come off more intelligent. So, there are certainly corollaries. Or, they are certainly correlated is actually probably the better way of saying that.
Okay. So, how to deal with this? Let’s deal with the smart one first, about the smart girl’s part first, because it’s going to carry over very nicely, I think.
So, when you’re dealing with smart girls, you say you find it harder to tease them. Well, funny enough. I’ve always found it easier. I’ve always found that my game works better on unintelligent girls, which is funny cause the biggest criticism you’ll ever get, as a guy who does games, is that only works on dumb girls. Well, that’s funny because I mean, maybe I’m thinking of education instead of intelligence or I’m thinking IQ instead of some other kind of intelligence that you’re thinking of, some kind of emotional intelligence or whatever.
But, in general, I’ve done the best basically and very, very well with highly educated girls. I mean, when I was living in Boston, I was living in, essentially, Cambridge and most of the girls I dated went to Harvard. So, they were not dumb girls, and somehow, my game seemed to work on them. And living in various cities, the girls that have gone to the better schools, the girls that have better vocabulary and communication, the girls that have better jobs, and are more ambitious, et cetera, I seem to consistently do better with them and be able to tease them just fine.
And, actually, funny enough, part of that is just willingness. Because, a lot of guys do put girls on a pedestal if they’re smart, the same as they put girls on a pedestal if they’re very attractive. And they think, Oh, this girl’s different. All the things that worked in game, let’s throw them out right now and just not try them cause this girl is different, which is stupid as hell. Right? You have a game plan that’s worked over, and over, and over again, you meet the girl you really like, and you’re like, but this girl is different. Let’s throw out the game plan. What? That’s ridiculous.
That’s like, if you’re a sports team and you got all the way to the championship game, top of the league by playing a certain way. And then, you’re like, well, for the championship game, let me just forget who’s on my team, and forget the way we played all season, and do something completely different. It doesn’t make sense. You absolutely don’t want to do that.
So, the first reason why guys mess up with smart girls, or hot girls, or girls that impress them in one way or another, is they start walking on egg cells and tipping or tip-toeing around. So, finding it harder to tease smart girls has, maybe, a lot to do with your assessment of them as smart more so than them actually being smart. In fact, if you thought of a girl as extra smart, even if she wasn’t, she just happened to make that impression on you, you’d probably still have this problem. Which just goes to show that it’s potentially coming from you and not necessarily from her.
However, smart girls and especially, I’m going to go a little further with smart, smart, educated girls who are used to getting good feedback, who are used to being praised, used to winning awards, used to being doted on, used to having the approval of their parents and teachers. These girls are some of the absolute easiest girls to game.
Why is that? Well, it’s because they have grown up their whole lives seeking and receiving validation, right? They have sought attention from their parents and gotten it because they’ve done things well. They’ve sought the attention and approval of their teachers and they’ve gotten it because they’ve been good at the things they’ve done. And so, over and over again, they’ve gotten validation, gotten validation, they’ve become very, very used to getting validation. And they’ve also adopted behaviors that are specifically validation seeking.
Now, if you know anything about game, you’ll know that girls seeking validation and qualifying themselves is a very, very good recipe for good results in game. So, with these smart, sort of like, smart, successful, I’m going to call them, Harvard girls. Just because, like I said, in Boston, I dated Harvard girls, and it’s kind of the stereotype. So, we’re thinking the Harvard girl stereotype, IE the girl who not only has probably a high IQ, but has definitely worked hard, and been doted on, and gotten accolades, and received adoration, and adulation, and praise for being intelligent.
That girl, she likes to talk about herself in a positive way. She likes to, in general, try and impress you. And she’s going to, she has this formula, she’s like, “I say these things,” “I say I went to Harvard,” for example, and people get impressed. They’re like, “Oh, wow. That’s so amazing. This, that, and the other.” If you’re not quite as impressed, then all of a sudden, she’s going to double down, and triple down, and try harder, and harder, and harder to impress you and chase you more, and more, and more, which is a very good thing.
Now, you have to be a little careful with this. Because, what a lot of guys do is they try and actually act like legitimate accomplishments or not accomplishments, and that is kind of silly. So, for example, let’s say a girl won a medal at the Olympics and you’re like, “That’s no big deal. Lots of people there. There are a hundred medals at every Olympics.”
Shut the f*ck up. Seriously, you didn’t win an Olympic medal. And, thousands or millions of people dream of winning an Olympic medal, and don’t. So, if a girl legitimately won a f*cking Olympic medal, or went to Harvard, or is the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, or something like that, acknowledge her accomplishment.
It’s fine. It’s okay. She knows it’s an accomplishment, and it would actually be very disingenuous not to acknowledge a genuine accomplishment. But, while you acknowledge the accomplishment, don’t place her on a pedestal because of it. Don’t think that she has this halo effect where she can do no wrong because she is an Olympic medalist, or she went to Harvard, or she has whatever corporate thing, or whatever. She still can be teased for a lot of different things. And while she should be praised for the achievements, if she’s bragging about the achievement too much, she can be teased and given sh*t about bragging about it.
And that’s actually a very useful thing to do, right? So, while someone, you know, you can acknowledge, “Oh, it is an accomplishment. They did that. That’s awesome. That’s really cool.” But seriously, stop telling me every five seconds. I get it, it’s cool. I hope there’s more to you than just that one thing, although it is an impressive thing. Right?
That’s the attitude you should have, which is you still give her sh*t in general. But, if there’s a legitimate amazing accomplishments, please acknowledge it. It’s so disingenuous. It’s just like what guys do with models, legitimate professional working models who make six figures plus a year off their appearance. Guys are like, you’re not that hot.
First of all, that’s insulting because you just called her incompetent in her job. But secondly, it’s just false. She knows it’s false. She knows she’s attractive because she gets paid a sh*t ton of money to be attractive. So, don’t act like that. Don’t don’t act like she’s not pretty when she clearly is. Instead, like the fact that she’s attractive, acknowledge it but be like, yeah, you’re an attractive girl. And, I appreciate that. I wouldn’t be dating you if you weren’t.
And then, focus on the other things like, “Do you also have a personality? If you’re also funny, we might get along.” Those kinds of things. So, focus on the other stuff. And, you can even give her sh*t about, “Stop, seriously, stop saying model every two sentences, please.” “I get it. Thank you.” “I get that you’re a model. My question is, can you actually be a person as well?” Right. That kind of a thing can go very, very well. But, again, don’t disacknowledge a legitimate accomplishment, that is absolutely silly.
Final little thing that goes along with this idea of validation, devalidation, et cetera. And this is more of a tactic as opposed to an overall strategy, but it’s a tactic for implementing the strategy.
When the girl is smart, and confident, and accomplished, let her talk. Let her talk, right? First of all, I want to disabuse an interesting concept. You may have heard of the 90/10 rule in game. You talk 90%, she talks 10%. That is not ideal game. That’s not what you want in game, okay. You don’t want that kind of interaction.
The reason the 90/10 rule exists is because right at the open, one of the most awkward and awful parts of game, when things aren’t going your way yet because you’ve just started, at that moment, if you’re getting nothing, you may need to resort to talking 90%, her talking 10%. But, once she’s willing to talk more, that ratio should shift dramatically to her talking maybe 40%, and eventually, ideally talking more than you in a lot of cases. Because, if she’s talking, she’s the one qualifying, she’s the one justifying, she’s the one putting effort in, you can sit back, you can comment here and there, you can do a lot non-verbally, you’re trying less hard, you’re in a better position as long as she’s talking along the right direction.
So, if the is talking about things she’s passionate about, excited about, she’s talking about relationships, she’s talking about being adventurous, let her talk. She starts talking about her shoe collection which bores the hell out of you, drop it. If she starts talking about politics, maybe cut her off and change the subject. But with any given subject, her talking passionately about it, versus you talking about it, her talking is better.
And with these intelligent accomplished girls, they’re used to having the floor, they’re used to talking a lot, they’re used to justifying themselves, and giving speeches, and whatnot. So, let them. Let them. They’re very comfortable doing it and they’re willing to talk a lot, they’re willing to invest in the conversation, so allow them to do so.
Now, you can’t just sit there silently. You have to jump in with a comment every once in a while. You need to tease them every once in a while. And if they start getting off track, they start going in a direction that’s not going to lead to where you want things to go, at that point, you are going to need to jump in and steer the conversation. But letting these girls, I call it, letting them talk themselves into bed, is probably the single best strategy for these intelligent, educated, accomplished girls.
Let them talk. Give them sh*t every once in a while, tease them a little bit, guide the nature of what they’re talking about here and there with your comments, but let them talk. Again, you just sit back and let them arouse themselves. They like hearing their own voice. They get, oftentimes I don’t know, turned on by it exactly. But they just, it works. Okay, it works. I’ve done it. Let them talk themselves into bed.
All right. Now, we’re talking about different ages. So now, again, maturity levels, right? Age relates to a couple of different things. One, age relates to maturity level, although it’s not an exact correlation, right? There are eighteen year old girls that are more mature than forty year old girls. And there are, twenty-five year old girls that are more mature than thirty-firve year old girls, et cetera, et cetera. And, there are also girls who were probably more mature at twenty-five than they are at thirty-five. There are girls that have gone backwards in their own lives, over time, on the maturity scale.
So, for whatever reason, maybe they were disciplined, and then their life went to sh*t, and they’ve just come unglued. Who knows? So, age does not necessarily indicate maturity, but it does correlate to maturity. Right? Older people, in general, are more mature almost by definition. I think the definition of maturity, it almost means acting in the way that an older person acts. So, almost by definition, age and maturity are correlated.
I don’t think maturity, I think it’s this denotation, connotation. I think the connotation of maturity is having your sh*t together, and being wise, and whatnot. But the denotation, the literal meaning has to do with actually literally being old.
So, anyway, what was I going to say? Oh, yeah. So, anyway, as girls get older, they think of themselves as more mature, whether or not they are. And, on average, they are going to be. So, you want to communicate on a more mature level. However, that being said, you still need to remember to tease and flirt. Teasing and flirting is a playful kind of childish mode of communication.
So, amidst all that maturity, you’re teasing and flirting is still immature, childlike, fun, funny, whatever. Whimsical, if you will. So, you want to make sure to flirt. But you can talk on more mature topics, you can talk more seriously with these girls. And actually, interestingly enough, similar to the the intelligent, educated girls I talked to before, a girl who’s a little older may have more opinions of her own about life and may be more willing to talk. So, you can sit back and let her talk her way into bed a bit more.
So, maturity is one factor as girls get over. Get older, sorry. And, as girls are younger, having less mature conversations in a sense, more silliness, playfulness, teasing, flirting, less substance or less requirement for substance. Anyway, again, having substance isn’t bad, but forcing the girl to respond with substance when she doesn’t have a lot of life experience and doesn’t know as much about the world yet, or maybe nervous and deer in headlights because she’s never talked to a guy as mature and sophisticated as you, et cetera, that may not work quite as well.
So, there is that maturity level. The other major thing though, in terms of calibration… So, that’s where it’s similar. That’s where age and intelligence are very similar is in terms of the confidence, and maturity level, and being able to sit back and let them talk, and et cetera.
The thing that is kind of different, and this actually, we’ll wrap it back into the intelligence thing as well, but kind of different than what we talked about already is that as you go to different decades and generations of life experience, you have different cultural references. So, for example, a woman my age or near my age, so maybe a woman in her thirties, I could make references to TV shows I watched growing up, I can make references to slogans that were in commercials when I was a kid, that kind of stuff. Some of that stuff for eighteen, twenty, even twenty-five year old, it’ll may be just not register for her cause she doesn’t get the reference.
I’ve noticed this with, for example, my coaching and administrative staff at work. They’re not female, obviously, but I make cultural references to them and some of them are in their early twenties or mid twenties. And, some of them don’t get what I think are the most obvious cultural references. They have no idea what I’m talking about because they just didn’t live that generation, they didn’t live those years of their life, or they weren’t alive for those years of history, I guess is the way of saying it.
So, you want to make sure that the references you use, the cultural and historic iconography that you have, the references to pop culture in particular are congruent with what that person will be familiar with.
And so, you’re going to have different associations when you’re talking with twenty, thirty, and forty year olds in terms of all kinds of things. In terms of, again, what punchlines you’ll use for jokes, what references you’ll make to celebrities, what ideas you may bring up. Girls who are in college now have been raised with a very different philosophy and ideology throughout their educational time than girls who were in college fifteen, twenty years ago.
And so, you need to understand and account for that, and adjust to that. And so, the cultural reference thing is going to be a factor. Now, bringing this back to intelligence, the cultural reference there is, were they around intelligent people? Did they read magazines or books? What references can you make? Can you make a literary reference to this person? Right?
If you mention a reference to Moby Dick, will she get it? If you mention a reference to, I don’t know, War and Peace, or the Bible, or whatever, all these things. The Bible may or may not reflect on education because it also may reflect on amount of faith. But just knowing basic Bible stories, and history, and stuff like that from the Bible maybe would go as well.
So, again, there are references that you can call in or not call in depending on someone’s education level, right? Are you going to quote something that they’ll know because they read US Weekly or something they’ll know because they read Atlas Shrugged, for example. So, that’s a factor, okay. So, you need to calibrate these things.
In general, smart and mature girls will be willing to take the reins more than less smart and less mature girls will. However, every girl is unique and different, you want to calibrate to that. And, be very conscious of the cultural experience and cultural iconography of a girl.
You don’t want to say things that are just wasted, right? So, if you make a reference or a punchline and she doesn’t get it, It’s a waste in terms of you had this opportunity to have something impactful and you didn’t. Also, it’s an indication and unnecessary display of incompetence or ignorance, whichever word you want to use, that you didn’t get it culturally. And it’s actually going to, somewhat, reduce your value. Or, it’s going to reduce the amount to which they think they can connect and relate with you. So, in any case, it’s not going to be a positive thing to mess up in those areas.
So, those are the two main kind of, I guess, channels of communication that I would adjust when communicating with either older, or younger women, or more intelligent, and I’m going to throw in educated, and well received, in terms of their education, as in they’ve had positive feedback for being smart. That girl versus the girl who is either less intelligent or who just doesn’t know that she’s smarter, hasn’t grown up being told that she’s smart, and earning accolade from being smart. So, those are the adjustments that you’re going to generally want to make.
So, those are our questions for today. If you want to ask your question, do send it over to [email protected] Again, send audio questions if you can. We prefer those. We love those. But, do send whatever questions you have.
And, thank you once again to Junior, Mitch, and Eric. The guys who asked the questions today. Hopefully, maybe it’ll be your question on the next episode.
And then, final reminder, do check out verbalgameacademy.com. You’re not going to want to miss a lot of the kind of bonus stuff and extra material we have there including, currently, a nearly one hour infield breakdown that is completely for free to watch. So, definitely check that out. And, definitely, you’re going to want to check out Verbal Game Academy when it does come out, which will be soon.
Speaking of soon, hopefully, we’ll be doing another episode soon and hopefully, we will see you there when the time comes. Thanks again for tuning in.